“If you wish to drown, do not torture yourself with shallow water”
As humans we put up with a lot of stuff, most of which isn’t necessary. Putting up with tolerations holds us back, causes us grief and wastes a lot of our time and energy. Many of us were brought up not to complain, that life is difficult, not to “rock the boat”, to go along with others, to be “grateful for what you have” etc. None of which is bad advice. Being flexible, adaptable, having gratitude-are all good virtues. But sometimes we operate at such a virtuous level that the virtues turn into vices.
I like to define tolerations as things that bug us, zap our energy and could be eliminated. For most people I’ve coached, as much as 80 percent of their lives involve carrying tolerations around. Tolerations are holes in your personal success cup, they drain away your contentment and your good fortune. As an infant or child, we didn’t tolerate ANYTHING, did we? But as we grew up, we were told to not be so selfish, so we learned how to tolerate (i.e. accept, be patient, wait your turn, be understanding, look on the bright side, compromise, etc.)
Quite frankly, the more you tolerate, the less attractive you’ll be to yourself and to the people to whom you matter the most. Because when a person learns to take a no-tolerations approach to their life, they are happier, more fun to be around. They have extra energy to express their values versus their egos because they have developed the confidence to speak up and change things, because they want to.
Assignment: The 10 Steps to A Toleration-Free Life-Take the time to complete the following 10 steps to start to reduce the tolerations in your life!!!
1-Understand that putting up with things is good for no one
2-Make a list of ten things you are tolerating at work
3-Make the requests and/or take the actions to eliminate those items
4-Make a list of ten things you are tolerating at home
5-Make the requests and/or take the actions to eliminate those items
6-Understand that you are getting “juiced” or payoffs by tolerating things
7-Be willing and committed to being toleration free
8-Stop complaining: instead, make a strong request
9-Invest $1000 to handle the tasks and/or chores that pain you (housekeeper, lawn service, handyman service, virtual assistant)
10-After doing steps 1-9 above, do them again with a new set of 10 tolerations
You will find by committing to this exercise, you will stop wasting energy, trying to manage situations that shouldn’t be there in the first place. You will have more energy to devote to your quality of life and will become a model for your business associates, friends and family as to what’s possible for them in this area.
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