Mandy Schumaker

PERFORMANCE COACH, TRAINER AND SPEAKER

Fear

When in Doubt…

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“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not”

Unknown

“Is it possible to beat this giant we know so well as DOUBT?” one of my clients asked me this week. The question is a really good one, and a rather overwhelming one to try and answer. I happen to believe that it is quite possible to overcome our feelings of doubt and fear. It’s certainly something we all struggle with and even those who we view as more successful than us, movie stars, athletes, successful coaches, artists, entrepreneurs-still all struggle with doubt. You’ve read the stories about the famous actor, who in his eighties, still got physically sick every time he went on stage to perform. Or the top professional hockey player who always questions whether he’s really as good as everyone says. Or the internationally known opera singer who struggles with thinking she’s not “as good” as some of the other internationally known singers.

Everyone gets to know doubt in their lives. Another way doubt rears its ugly head is in the form of resistance. And we all experience resistance. As Steven Pressfield writes in his book, The War of Art, “Resistance is a force that lives in us all as self-sabotage, self-deception, and self-corruption. We writers know it as “block”, a paralysis whose symptoms can bring on appalling behavior”.

But back to the original question, how do we beat it? I believe its doing some things consistently, and taking action that helps us navigate through the fear and doubt. Again, fear and doubt are not negative or bad things, in fact, many times they can be our friends, they can be what propels us to playing bigger than we ever thought possible. It’s only when fear, doubt and resistance paralyzes us to the point of feeling stuck, that they can be detrimental.

Here are some practical possibilities and suggestions that you may find helpful in overcoming doubt:

1-Reading books and other people’s stories:

Read books about other people who’ve mastered the ability to move through their own fear and resistance. Again, “The War of Art”, “Think and Grow Rich” and some of the Walter Wattles books are good places to start. Or read books, stories and articles of successful people who share your craft or profession. You’ll find in many of those stories that most of them experienced the same self-doubt and resistance that you feel.

2-Make a mind movie and watch it everyday.

In study after study, the research shows that by putting yourself (including mind and spirit) where you want to be, or doing what you’re striving for, can actually help you achieve it. That if you can visualize it, you can attain it.

I recently saw an interview with tennis player, Novak Djokovic, from Serbia, who at age 7, used to take an old trophy and run around holding it up in the air pretending it was the Wimbledon trophy he had won . And it worked; he’s now a Wimbledon champion! It’s the old adage, “you have to dream it, to achieve it”.

You can go to YouTube and search for mind movies-and you’ll see some examples of different types of mind movies. You can also easily make your own through I-Movie, or go to mindmovie.com. It’s a very good visual tool. Making a vision board, cutting out images and phrases from magazines and pasting them into a collage style poster and putting it up where you can view it everyday, is also very helpful.

3-Affirmations

Using affirmations can be a very powerful way to move through doubt, fear and resistance. You could choose to write down affirmations and post them all over your house, or you could write down 50 personal affirmations and record them. Then listen to them 2-3 times a day. Again, the affirmations need to be positive and in the present tense. Putting yourself already there in the feeling, the situation etc. For example, “I am a successful business person,” or “I eat good healthy food in just the right portions for me”, or, “I attract plenty of wonderful, ideal clients every day.

Or there are plenty of free affirmation downloads available on the internet.

4-Start a gratitude journal

The more you can come from a grateful, appreciative state, the less room there is for doubt, fear and negativity. List 10 things in your journal every night or every morning that you’re grateful for. Makes a huge difference-I can attest!

5- And keep moving through your fear and doubt. Take action!

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing a day that scares you.” Make that phone call, write that chapter, paint that picture, make that speech, whatever it is-just do one thing everyday that scares you. And yes, you’re going to fail, and be rejected, lose, get laughed at, and maybe even lose some friends. But what’s worse, a few bumps and scrapes along the way, or never even getting in the game?

I might suggest if there is one or two of these things that speak to you-to implement them today, and consistently do them, over and over. We all have a relationship with fear, doubt and resistance; it’s how we manage that relationship that makes all the difference. You’ll start to learn that once you start taking action, and I mean consistently taking action, the doubt, fear and resistance will start to recede.

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It’s The Worst It Will Ever Be…

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Okay-I admit it-I’m a self-proclaimed perfectionist (which others would agree with, particularly my spouse!) And while this characteristic has at varying times served me well, it has alsocaused a lot of “stuckness” on my part.

When I first started my business, I got stuck on everything. My business name, the logo, how the website should look, my business cards, you name it, I couldn’t get started on any of it-it all felt overwhelming. Mostly, I was worried that it wasn’t perfect, that it didn’t “look right”.

My resistance to moving ahead on these projects became so painful, I nearly went back into the corporate world and gave up my dream of having a coaching and consulting business! So I totally understand when I work with clients today who can’t seem to move forward on a particular project or goal that they are REALLY wanting to create or achieve. They have such gifts they need to bring to the world through their work, but they resist getting started or taking the first step.

What others think:

Resistance is one of the processes that masks fear. And more times than not, this fear is worrying about what other people might think. That worry, frankly, underlies all fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, and even fear of success. We worry that whatever it is we’re setting out to do won’t be good enough in the eyes of others.

Trust me on this: You’ll worry a lot less about what other people think of you if you will acknowledge how infrequently other people think of you!

Everything good was once a bad first draft:

When I wanted to launch my first teleclass, and was anguishing over getting the marketing copy and the content perfect, someone said to me, “It’s the worst it will ever be, just go with it”. And I found this to be true. Once I got something down on paper, or took the first few steps on a project, I could always go back and change it, tweak it, even perfect it!

I saw a T-shirt the other day that captured this beautifully. It said: Everything good was once a bad first draft. You have to sit down and get that first awful draft finished so that you can begin polishing it through each successive approximation.

Assignment:

If there is something you are wishing to start, accomplish, complete, but can’t take that first step,try to figure out where the resistance is coming from-is it your own fears, worried about what others might think or say, fear of success. Whatever it is-it’s worth identifying.

Then just start-anywhere, write down a few things on a cocktail napkin, or type a few lines on your computer, or take just the first step to get going. Remember, you can always go back later and fix it. Someone also once told me, “Done is better than perfect”. Which is so perfect!

The path from good to great leads through good enough!!

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Feeling Stuck? Five Tips To Get Yourself Unstuck And Back On Track

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It happens to all of us at varying times.  We get stuck.  We know what we “want” to be doing, or where we “should” be going, or what we “ought” to be achieving.  But something is holding us back between what we desire and where we are in our job, business, or life.  As a leadership coach, I often work with clients who are stuck. Stuck in their current job or position.  Stuck in a business they don’t find fun or fulfilling anymore. Perhaps they’ve gotten caught up in the details and have lost sight of their intended vision or outcome.  Or perhaps they are unable to focus on what they really want because they have a fear of the unknown, or a loss of confidence.  Often times they just feel plain overwhelmed and don’t know where to start and can’t make a decision.  Whatever the reason, it’s painful, frustrating and downright depressing to be stuck. 

If you are a leader or business owner, being stuck also has an impact on our employees and organizations.  New ideas, projects and innovation within our organizations are jeapordized.  Your direct reports feel frustrated that things are not moving forward and there is probably a loss of trust and respect.  Productivity and profitability are compromised and customers may start to lose interest and patience with your products and services.

Again, we all get stuck at different times of our lives but what’s most important is how we choose to move through what’s keeping us stuck.  After working over the years, with clients who have found themselves stuck in a job or business,  I have found the five following tips help get most people unstuck and moving toward their goal and vision.

1) Consider playing a bigger game.  Perhaps your goal is too small and you are bored, which if the case, will clearly not motivate you to take action and move forward.  Look at your vision or goal…and double it!

2) Perhaps your goal is too large and you need to play a smaller game.  If your goal is too big, you could easily get overwhelmed and stuck in a rut.  So either set a smaller goal, or set milestones along the way and target those.

3) Do the opposite. What might happen if you started doing the opposite of what you’ve been doing to help move yourself forward, or reach your goal?  Sometimes taking a 180 or even a 90 degree turn is what’s needed to help move you along.

4) Ask yourself:  Is this really the goal I want, or is this a “should” goal.  So often I ask my clients this question when they are stuck and many, many times it’s a “should” goal.  Not something that’s coming from your heart.  Fill in the blank and answer the question, “If I do _______________, am I doing it to make ME happy or just to make someone else happy?”

5) Identify your top five values.  This is a very helpful exercise in getting clear on what values in your life are most important to you.  Only then can you authentically move forward towards a goal or objective that clearly expresses your value(s).  Working with a coach or mentor is an excellent way to identify your value list, which helps create the cornerstones for any change, movement, goal or objective you hope to achieve.

I would really welcome your comments  on this subject.  If you’ve found a successful way in helping get yourself unstuck,  I would love to hear from you.  In the meantime, if any of this post resonates with you and you’d like to have some support on getting yourself unstuck,  please feel free to call me at 207-653-6977.

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